![]() ![]() You’ve already lost so much due to this troubled relationship with your mother, so I’m encouraged to hear you reaching out for support. In fact, it is a very sad and tragic thing to feel a desire to honor your parent while keeping distance due to abusive treatment. Honoring is more about our heart than it is about the physical proximity we keep. Stock image by AntonioGuillem/iStock/Getty Images Plus, St. Honoring someone else can be done from a safe distance, if necessary. ![]() Children should never subject themselves to abusive treatment as a form of honoring another person. Please recognize that I will never encourage anyone to put themselves in harm’s way. Instead, it’s an invitation to see our parents through a lens of gratitude and love, even if they are unhealthy. The commandment to honor our parents isn’t a weapon used to guarantee loyalty. Of course, an offering that is forced is no offering at all. I’ve encountered parents in my counseling practice over the years who use this concept to guilt their children into doing things for them, spending time with them, and capitulating to their demands. I believe there’s a lot of confusion about what it means to honor our parents. This isn’t sustainable and something needs to change. While it’s clear you love your mother and want to honor her, it seems you’re caught in a pattern of behavior that’s damaging not only to you but also to your relationships and mental health. It’s confusing to be in a relationship with a family member, especially a parent, who sends mixed signals, manipulates and abuses. ![]() ![]() I still believe God has commanded me to honor her. Everyone thinks she’s the perfect lady but don’t know her true character. People at church and neighborhood look down on me when they don’t know the truth. I’m tired of going through all of this and much more while she feels it’s ok to do and say whatever she wants and must listen but never giving me a chance to express my feelings. She hates it when people call to check on her or come by because she doesn’t want company, but in the same breath, she’s mad because people don’t call or come by. She gets mad when I rightfully defend them when needed. She talks about me to my kids and gets mad at them when they don’t agree. Now that I’ve begun to take breaks from her to guard my heart, she lies and tells people I do nothing for her and accuses me of stealing from her (when she finds things she never apologizes or clears my name). It hurts that I’ve worked so hard my whole life to please her and it’s never enough. She’s emotionally and verbally abusive but I always wait days or sometimes weeks now and go back around her. And, when I can’t do what she wants, I’m no good to her. Now I’m 43 and at a point where I’m tired. I’ve missed out on a lot of opportunities in life in many areas because of it. My husband divorced me because of it and now that my kids are teenagers, they are always angry at me because of it as well. But if I didn’t do what she asked or even expressed feelings that didn’t go along with hers, she accused me of being disrespectful. She dominated my time, and it drained me. I’ve always believed in honoring my mother even when I didn’t agree with what she said or did. My question is about honoring my toxic mother. ![]()
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |